Covenants

This week's topic took a toll on me, more than any other week. We talked about divorce and the potential for blending families. Because of the sad nature of this topic it was difficult for many of us to stay positive. However, I learned something beautiful about the covenants we make in the temple, which I'd like to focus on.

First, a covenant is like a contract (a two-way promise), but it's a set of terms made by a superior party (that could be the government, God, etc.). These terms cannot be negotiated, changed, or altered. Both parties must rise up and meet the requirements of this covenant in order for it to be valid.

Second, in the sealing ordinance, the woman is asked if she will give herself unto her husband and if she will receive him. The husband is only asked if he will receive her. This, I believe, relates to the lot women were given in this world. It takes a lot more for a woman to give of herself in marriage and family life than perhaps it takes for a man. It's a clarifying question that God put in there to remind us of what we are really committing to.

Children

Children! Yay! Scary...

The most important thing I took away from class this week was, "As parents, we need to focus on the needs of our children, not changing their behaviors." 

Many parents focus on strictness instead of warmth and consistency in parenting. This is partially because strictness is the easiest and most straightforward thing we can control. However, it's been proven that when parents focus on warmth and consistency, children are more connected and well-behaved because they feel respected.

We also talked about natural consequences and how if parents need to enforce consequences, they should be logical. I.E. follow natural consequences that adults deal with on a smaller, more applicable scale. 

Teaching is not about compliance. If all we want from our kids is to get them to "shut up", the parenting style is duct tape. If you want children that respect you and love you, teach respect and love to them, through your actions.

Let's STICK together yeah yeah yeah

Women in the workplace is a touchy subject for me because I am so adamantly pro-stay-at-home-mothers. So talking about his topic in class was difficult because there wasn't a lot of discussion about involving God in the decision for the mother of a family to work. 

All cases are different and should be treated with care and compassion. However, in my own future family life I'd love to focus on the family as one entity, instead of individual persons. With the industrial revolution, men were pulled away from their divine roles in their home. The law of consecration was very prevalent before the revolution, with the entire family working their hardest together, to reach the same end-goal. The family was able to work and grow together. 

I have a hard time with anything that pulls a family apart. Be that school, work, travel, etc. In my family I hope to be able to move closer towards the divine nature of the entire family working together. 

Chiasmus

"Where no council is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety," (Proverbs 11:14).
Let's talk about the true order of council. Whoot!

Good, compassionate communication = expression of pain - blame
Defensiveness = expression of pain + blame

All councils (like the GA meeting in the temple for their councils) should be done in a sacred, set-apart place where members can be closest to the Lord. It should be without distractions with the ability to access the spirit.

The chiasmus:
a. Express love and appreciation
b. Open with prayer
c. Discuss to censuses (surprisingly open), each person needs to be settled, the Lord's will.
b. Close with a prayer
a. Refreshments

Opening all councils with expressions of love will allow for the Spirit to be invited to the council. It helps all members be "surprisingly open" by bearing their souls and allowing their spirit to communicate with one another. All members should be trying to come to the conclusion of what the Lord would have them do, instead of trying to be right. Our Heavenly Father wants to inspire us perhaps much more than we want to be inspired. We need to have the courage to allow Father to correct us.

Stress vs. Crisis

Stress' influences are short term, crisis' influence is long-term. That would be wrapping up this week's discussion very succinctly. 

Stress is a natural and necessary part of any relationship. Without it, the metaphorical "bones" of the relationship wouldn't be strong enough to hold it up. Just like our bones need some sort of stress put on them to be able to carry us places, our relationships need stress to hold the relationship together. Stress doesn't mean that the relationship is bad or negative, as long as it's dealt with healthily.

Once both partners have prepared themselves to cope under pressure, when crisis' happen, there won't be as much stress associated. It's all in the preparation. If a couple isn't properly prepped for marriage, they will bend an snap under duress. A couple should do everything in their power to make sure their "bones" or the things holding the relationship up, are strong and ready to cope.

An example of that is a swimming pool. The little rim around the side of the pool allows for the water to stay in (establishing boundaries), it is made up of strong material (a vitrus material that's typically been fired to over 1,000 degrees), and it's strong enough to stand up against the water slapping up against it day after day. Because it's been properly prepped, it prevents future crisis' from causing stress on the foundation. It also allows for stressors to remain stressors and not move to crises. 

Divine Intimacy

This week we've been talking about sexual intimacy. I was surprised how sacred we were able to keep things this week and focused on the divine we were. I give full credit to Brother Williams for that. Some things that meant the most to me this week were:

Sex isn't the most important aspect of marriage, but it’s a good barometer of how the rest of the relationship is going. Most marriages end because of financial problems or sexual relationship issues. By recognizing this, couples can approach this with great care. Most of marital intimacy actually occurs in the brain. Yes, the physical aspect is there, obviously, but the healthiest sexual relationships are those where both partners are unselfish and consciously focused on their spouse. 

Something that I discovered for myself this week was the definition of lust. Lust =  the strong physical desire to have sex with somebody, usually without associated feelings of love or affection. That's why in the scriptures we're told not to have lust for another person ("he lusted after her"). There are no feelings of love or affection. However, when sex is paired with feelings of love and affection within the bonds of marriage, it becomes sacred and God-like. 

It requires a lot of trust to give your body and heart to someone which is why the decision to be married is one of the most sacred decisions we make. Something Brother Williams talked about was approaching a couple's physical relationship with thought and carefulness. It's something that the couple should do together, very carefully while communicating. The couple should be discussing what their expectations are and what they're comfortable with. 

Along with this, the couple should carefully and cautiously consider what kind (if any) of contraceptives that will be used, keeping in mind that our sole purpose on this earth is to bring children into this world. We should exercise great caution regarding decisions including sexuality and birth control (including creating life). That decision should be made between the husband, the wife, and God. 

I am so grateful for the blessing that physical intimacy is. It is truly God-given and I wish I would have realized that sooner. I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to be able to create life with my future husband, and become more like my Heavenly Mother. God is good and He helps us do good. 

Marriage Transitions

Let's talk about transitioning into marriage.

Marriage is wonderful. It's an incredible blessing that only brings up closer to our Heavenly Father. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to early marriage stress. Some of the things we talked about in class were:

First Month: Tasks, Challenges, and Opportunities.

• Always being together. Privacy? A couple will need to re-adjust to these boundaries, talk about alone time, and be able to accommodate each other's needs.
• Combining schedules. 
• Sharing a bed.
• Saying what you feel NOW. When couples let things fester and build up, there can be blow ups and a general anxiety about the relationship. 
• Sharing everything.
• Rituals. Scripture study, prayer, church, meals, etc. Couples' rituals will need to be able to be combined and work together.
• Entertainment
• Patterns
• Finances and Savings
• Talk about Children
• Sexual intimacy. Transitioning into having sex as a couple, and being able to work on the sexual relationship together. Being open, honest, and truthful about expectations and experiences.
• Chores around the house.

The first month in particular is very hard on any couple. But, if the couple is willing to work together and be accommodating to each other the first month will run as smooth as possible.